Shame. So much shame.
I'll start from the top.
I haven't posted a blog in probably a whole week. Partially because I've been lazy, partially because my grandmother passed away and I haven't had time, and partially because... well... I sorta went off Paleo for...about 4 days.
I'll post my meals shortly, but first, confessional.
It all started Thursday night. After cooking food Wednesday night that I had brought from home to my parents' house in Olive Branch, and eating it Thursday for lunch too, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. We had tons and tons of southern cookin' brought from friends and family in reverence to my Grandma. Ham. Potato salad. Baked beans. Apple pie. BBQ. Coleslaw. Caramel cake. Chocolate cake. Strawberry cake. Lots of cake. Basically your typical Mississippi diet. The diet I always used to eat. The diet that still seems like an old quilt, faded and worn from use. The one you like to pull out and use on bad days because it's comfy and makes you feel warm and safe. Yes, I'm still talking about food. Anyway, I was surrounded by all this food and I had resisted. I hadn't even been that hard, outside of not having a lot of my paleo ingredients. But Thursday night, after sticking to some roasted chicken, salad, and pineapple, I decided to have a small spoonful of potato salad. I figured, yknow, many people consider potatoes to be Paleo- myself included. The only thing un-Paleo about it would be the mayo. I had 2 bites and it just wasn't what I was hoping for, so I stopped. Gold star #2. Until my aunt Sammie's Gooey Butter Cake. OH EM GEE. I never used to be a sucker for it, because there was a giant pecan half on each piece and I wasn't a pecan fan. But seeing them in front of me made me want to devour every bite, even savor the pecan. It wasn't that I couldn't resist; it was that I didn't want to. So I had a tiny piece. Just to clarify, Gooey Butter Cake is this divine topcrust-y buttery gooey ... cake. But it's cut up into these 2x2x2'' squares; it's not like a whole big cake that you cut into. Anyway- I just had one small one. And then I had another one. It felt so wrong but so, so right.
Friday I went shopping with mom. We ate at Zaxby's and I had a grilled chicken caesar sans croutons with some honey mustard dressing. I knew honey mustard wasn't Paleo, but it didn't seem like a big deal. It was only lunch and I hadn't stepped outside of Paleo in 3 weeks, except for Thursday night of course. Dinner was salmon patties, more potato salad, and stir-fry vegetables. Not terrible, but not entirely Paleo. Saturday for lunch I went out with Shelby to Olive GardenYUM. My food app said there was some kind of shrimp thing I could get that was paleo, but after seeing the $14 price tag, I decided to go for the endless soup, salad, and breadstick deal. Only $6.99. I didn't eat any bread, but I did have the Gnocchi soup which is my absolute fav there. I JUST COULDN'T HELP IT OKAY! I don't even feel bad.
It started going downhill after the OG though. We went to Starbucks to sit and chat outside and I had this brilliant idea to get a Salted Caramel Mocha. Why? I blame societal pressures of capitalist coffee shops. See, not even my fault. Anyway, it was amazing and delicious and I was bouncing off the walls after my third sip. That's when I sorta lost control. Can't quite remember what I had for supper, but I don't think it was anything too devastating... until dessert, that is. For dessert, I had cake. CAAAAKE. Then I had a piece of Gooey Butter Cake. In secret of course, cuz no one needs to know about that. Sunday morning, I had cake for breakfast. Not even in the guise of a muffin, just straight up chocolate cake. For lunch, my parents ordered Casa Mexicana, which is my #1 favorite restaurant of all time. I employed some restraint, as I got the Taco Salad (complete with the greasy tortilla shell which I may or may not have eaten too). Sunday night, the inhibitions I had left just vanished and I had chicken nuggets from Chick-Fil-A, potato salad, Chick-Fil-A sauce, cornbread, and 2 gooey butter cakes. Monday, I ate a waffle with syrup, gooey butter cake, and then for lunch I had more Chick-Fil-A nuggets and the rest of the potato salad. For snack, BBQ chips.
It gets worse. On the way to Vicksburg, I got a chicken quesadilla from Taco Bell. And then when I actually arrived, around 8PM, the first thing I did was get the shrimp dinner from Captain D's. Shrimp. Fries. Coleslaw. Hushpuppies. Who am I?!!!?
Today, lunch was leftover spaghetti squash and meatballs, but dinner was a combo of my leftover Captain D's and A FREAKING CHOCOLATE CONCRETE FROM BOP'S WITH BROWNIE, COOKIE DOUGH, REESE'S, AND OREOS. I can't even look in the mirror.
But tonight, I cooked food for tomorrow, so I wouldn't make any excuses. Paleo Fettuccine Alfredo. I tasted it and my mouth somersaulted and hugged me.
So that's all for my confessions- permanently. There will be nothing more to confess EVER. What's interesting is that all the crappy food I ate over the past few days... half of it didn't even taste that good. And NONE of it made me feel good. I felt tired, sluggish, grumpy, and sick. It's unbelievable that I could have even gone back, even for a moment.
Paleo, I love you and I will never leave you again.
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